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A Civil War
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Season 1, Episode 7

Air Date:

April 23rd, 1993

Written By:

Bob Kushell

Directed By:

Norton Virgien


Ride the High School


Not So Easy Riders

A Civil War is the seventh episode of first season.


Duckman is jealous when his kids shower Cornfed with their attention, so he fires him while working their next case, which involves the "natural death" of the owner of a Roast Beef and Waffle on a Stick factory.


  • first major role of Cornfed.
  • Cornfed's birthday song is cut from the DVD version of this episode.

Music Used

  • Frogs with Dirty Little Lips Let's Make the Water Turn Black by Frank Zappa

DVD Edits

When Duckman was released on DVD, "A Civil War" suffered a cut for unknown reasons.

Main Characters


Bob: Your job is just to sort the mail. If you can hold on to it. Cornfed: Got any napkins? Bob: NAPKINS! That's brilliant.

Bob: I didn't count on an undercover pig being on me like pee on a bum's shoes.

Cornfed: Could I use the restroom first? Bob: Sure you can't miss it. Make a right at the cow bone grinding and marrow extraction room, a quick left at the chicken squeezing ovum cracking pit & then a sharp circle round the gobstopper & gizzard suction chamber. Cornfed: I'll hold it in.

Duckman: Sorry, I didn't hear you, I was staring at your breasts.

Cornfed: I was once kidnapped by a cabal of kick-boxing Ninja who forced me nightly to play a deadly game of steel cage basketball where the losers where beheaded. Duckman: Yea... well... I bet there wasn't a shot clock.

Cornfed: Any ex-wandering troubadour slash hostage negotiator could've done it.

Duckman: Thin-skinned no-humor pansies! You tell them an ice breaker or two about women-liberals, gays, environmentalists, several minorities, the homeless, a couple of religions, anorexics, obese people, the handicapped, old-farts, baldness & people who walk real goofy cause they just had a vasectomy and suddenly they get all sensitive! Like I offended one of them or something?